5 tricks to get you through these holidays
Here we are, it’s December.
The year flew by in a second.
Most of us can’t really see how the year went by so quickly. I know I spent a year traveling back and forth and here I am back at this same desk, reminiscing on all these experiences.
But enough about me now, I had a message I wanted to send through in anticipation of the holidays to come. This season is beautiful, but beware of what they don’t tell you.
What to expect:
Family reunions, endless dinner tables, gift exchanges, singing and gathering around a Christmas tree, or a chimney, or whatever it is you gather around…
It is a time of the year that brings us back to our essence, the type of repetitive ritual that has been going on for ages, and despite everything that’s changing, a time that always comes back.
It is a reminder of where you are, and where you came from.
It is a time for love and forgiving… But also a huuuge time for stress!!
What could be expected:
Knots in your back, heavy breathing, crowds (crowded thoughts too), lights, Christmas promotions, noise, last-minute gift shopping… How is this relationship going for you by the way? Who are you spending Christmas with? Are these questions that are tormenting you?
Also: have you given a thought about you New Year’s Eve plans yet? You know, that question that’s been on the back of your mind for a while now that you will have to face very soon…
Whatever your answer, it is hard to claim that December is a stress-less month. You have to finish off that workload before the end of the year, cash in your accounts, cash out your duties before that reunion. And then there’s family. We are all bound to our families and surely they can be a hell of a support when needed. However, family can also be the place where a lot of your dysfunctions initially started. In other words, the one context that automatically brings back all these unwanted feelings and behaviors that you spend the rest of the year fighting against!
I know from my practice that Christmas can be the hardest time of the year for many people.
Seasonal depression, days getting shorter, weather changes… all of these can also be reason enough to impact your well-being, so no one is really immune. So how do you feel about it?
What to do about it:
If this article speaks to you, if you also find it hard to deal with the event that are about to occur, here are some tips to help you get through the days.
1. Do not beat yourself up for not enjoying this season so much.
You are probably not the only one complaining from crowded roads, long queues in shopping centers, or whatever it is you fear most this season. Christmas is not only about positive thinking.
2. Try to understand what it is that you hate most, and if there is a way out from it.
Is there anything you could do differently this time, to avoid unpleasant moments?
Try to be realistic though, you do not want to set yourself up for failure by setting an unreachable goal. This would not only fail, but also leave you feeling disappointed in yourself and others. So only ask of yourself what you could really do. You cannot ask a fish to fly but what you can do is learn from your mistakes.
Let us say, for example, that every year you drink too much to get through the night. That can bottle up the negative feelings, but also lead you to say or do unwanted things… It is probably too ambitious to ignore any negative comments and carry on enjoying the night. But maybe you could think of something you could answer? Something that gently yet affirmatively puts limits to others that are making you feel down or worthless? If it feels safe and comfortable, you could maybe practice this with an ally before D-day? Or why not practice self-affirmation or verbal self-defense? If that is too hard, could you simply opt out of that situation and replace it with a more pleasant – less threatening one?
3. Take time out
Take it down a notch. Avoid unnecessary struggles, you’ve got enough on your plate. Always remember to center the attention back to you, as you are the core of all these interactions. This step is important so do not skip it. Maybe buy yourself a gift, or offer yourself a relaxing experience, or a daily ritual that will help in calming you down. Why not think about yourself, this Christmas time? (we all know Santa will not do it for you).
4. Try to spread joy
Real joy. Positivity in interactions often has a positive impact as it tends to come back to you almost systematically. Do not force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do, but do think of the things you like to do, and do them fully. Help your niece build her snow man if you like, or visit that relative that never makes it to Christmas dinner. Choose an activity you like: you will definitely feel good about it while the other appreciates it as well!
5. The final trick
It can be a good idea to remember that you have gone through this already for many years, and that every year, you have managed it. We tend to wrongfully believe that stress is essential in order to remember what to do and get it done on time. But it’s not. It is you and you alone, that always got you through it. So give yourself a hug and a hot cocoa as you finish all there is to be done. And remember it’s Christmas time: there’s no need to be afraid ????
