“I wanted to record this because I was able to overcome moral harassment in the workplace and I would like to share my testimony hoping to help others overcome it.
I believe that the heart of workplace harassment is quite complex because when we are in a position of weakness – which was my case in this situation- we show a flaw that the harasser sees and he uses it to nourish his destructive process. It’s as if he saw a glass and he wanted to fill the glass so it’s full and he can drink it.
In the beginning, it was because I was coming from another country and he hired me, so it started with a bit of blackmail where he used the fact that he hired me to position himself as my savior. And I believed this narrative because he was indeed the one that had hired me and thanks to him, I was able to come to Paris. He then manipulated that element so I would believe him, and the more I believed him, trusted him, and showed him, the more he could fill that glass again and “strike” again.
It started with blackmail, and then it evolved… when I would make mistakes at work – it became a bit mean in the sense that it’s someone, the harasser is someone that will always put you down. For instance, he would say “you don’t understand” and use downgrading comments such as “when I talk to you, look me in the eyes – you’re always looking down.” and something that would always, always come back was “are you sure you understand?!” or he would say ”I recruited you but I’m not quite sure of what I am seeing…” so it was a bit like that and then it became in public. So in front of others.
In my position I have to see a lot of international people for work so he always presented me as his trophy, for ex “I recruited this person because she was living in a very poor country and I needed to save someone”. So it was that, but in front of everybody.
And then, what changed – I would stay quiet in fact –what changed is the tone of his voice. So, before he would say this half-jokingly, with a little smile in his eyes “I hired her”; and then at some point, it turned into screams. It turned into some really “negative waves”. Once I was quietly having lunch with almost ten people, and he came in the middle of lunch to ask me a question and… I was stressed out because his tone was elevated, so I automatically froze and he asked me a question with a very loud tone and I was paralyzed, and as I was paralyzed, I couldn’t answer him, and he started shouting in front of everybody. That’s when he actually started paralyzing me.
And it built crescendo on both sides: the more he intensified his tone the more my own emotional reaction intensified: I was paralyzed and I couldn’t think anymore. And it then became shout after shout, manipulation after manipulation; in the sense that, if for ex someone sent me an email with another person in copy, he would ask me if I received the email from the person in copy and not from the original sender. He would set me traps by asking strange questions that didn’t make sense and when I wouldn’t understand them, he would go crazy saying “you don’t read your emails, you can’t follow up you’re completely north, unable to focus, what is this sh-”… but I really had nothing to do with this person in copy of the email! So it was kind of that: he created flaws to make me fall in them and he always found a trap to make me fall in them. Another time he asked me to send something to someone, and I sent it. But he needed to send something else instead, but he didn’t tell me. So, when the person received her package, she lashed out at me saying I sent the wrong package and then he simply would say “oh right, I didn’t tell you that” – but I had been shout on by another person in the meantime. It was always like that. Always. And then always shouting. He would shout on me for anything and everything, he would make degrading comments such as “your nails are horrible, like the nails of a Portuguese” (dixit racist comment) … it kept getting worse. And at some point, I was completely paralyzed and what really helped was my body, like always. I was so afraid that I developed… I don’t know, every morning for a couple of weeks, I would wake up and throw up. Every morning, before going to work. And I threw up acid, I hadn’t eaten anything but every morning for three weeks I would throw up. For three weeks. So, I thought I was sick, I took vitamins etc. But in fact, when he would get to work, I was already feeling bad from the morning before but as soon as I heard his footsteps, I swear I was paralyzed, I was sick, I felt like throwing up again. And that’s what hinted the fact that something was wrong, there is something not right. And I couldn’t face him because I was afraid of him, I was afraid that he would hit me, shout at me… I felt this person was capable of hitting me.
Until one day, when the situation had become extremely tense, and I was uncomfortable and unable to communicate and he kept saying “I don’t understand, I do everything to help you, but I don’t understand how you function” and he would shout – as if this would change anything. And what eventually happened is that one day, I was in a meeting with him and three other people, and he asked for a document that I had worked on with another person that was present in the meeting. This person had sent this document to me before the meeting so I thought it was fine. Then my boss asked me questions about the document and the person that had sent it to me then openly said “oh no, what you’re saying is wrong, that’s not how it should be” and I replied “are you kidding me?”. And my boss didn’t defend me but he took over the yelling instead “You don’t understand, everything goes above you (he would often say that), it’s useless, I already told you and I said explained many times so you would understand but how do you expect to understand this further if you are unable to understand anything?! You have a problem…” and it kept getting worse. And it’s as if this was the drop that had the glass I was talking about spill. I stood up and I shout back at them both bluntly, everything came out. I told them I’ve had enough, that’s enough, and I told the director – because the harasser was the director and owner of the company- I told him that’s enough, enough treating me like a fool, you don’t have the right to call me names and to talk to me like that. You tell me you told me so, when in fact you hadn’t told me, that’s not how it happened. You didn’t give me the information, you manipulated your speech to invert the situation” and I was shouting and at the end I said “you know what, it’s useless I’m leaving” and I closed the door behind me and left. It was 10 P.M.
After leaving, I was sick, like really sick. I had stomach aches, I was up all night throwing up and I had shivers, I was cold… and finally the next day , when I slept at 9 a.m. I woke up, I realized this couldn’t go on anymore: I was going to lose myself, my health, and for what? For a f—job?!So, I sent an email to head of HR explaining that I was scared of that person; I also sent him an email saying I was not coming to work. And from that point forward, I inverted the situation. From that point forward because – with the help of my cousins who were supportive and by my side- I went to see a doctor and I told him that I was being harassed. This was a Friday and I was lucky because the week after that he was away, and I saw the occupational physician that the company had attributed, and I informed him as well. And that’s how I inverted the situation. I spoke to the head of HR and told her that this was unacceptable: that they had to stop telling me I was recruited because I was miserable and I came from a miserable country.”. I gained in power: I looked myself in the mirror, that’s what happened. And I told myself “I am not a fool, it’s him. And he – what’s scary in this scenario is they know who they pick. He chose me because I didn’t have any experience in the field. I’m 41 years old, I didn’t have any experience in the field and he chose me in a position in which I didn’t know. In fact, to dominate me, so he can take over and that it gives him an opportunity to put me down … And after speaking to HR I felt stronger, I realized he didn’t know more than I did. He knew nothing about my position so if I know 2%; I know 10 % whereas he knows nothing. And that’s when I started taking over. I got to learn about the discipline, I told him how things should go, and I can tell you that this is is not easy work because I paid it with my health. But now I can tell you that he doesn’t dare say anything anymore. Nothing at all. He knows very well that if he shouts, I won’t bare it and I will directly accuse him, so now he behaves as a friend. But I keep my guards up and I am always watching out. Because to me, someone like this will always be like this, it is a character that is deeply engraved in the person. And so, yeah. Now everything is much better. I can confirm that the fear is gone. Obviously, unconsciously I keep an eye out, suspicion will never go away because if the person was able to go that far putting me down and calling me names, being impolite etc it means that’s his nature, so I watch out, and he knows it. So, he tries to be friendly but I distance myself. But I am more comfortable, I face him, and so everything is better. So, it’s not impossible, but it’s difficult, it’s very difficult. Because honestly it has left a mark and it will leave a mark all my like, it’s terrible. But it’s also a victory because I changed the situation completely.“
